Navy Related Jokes

This page is a listing of Readers Submitted, Navy Related Jokes


Subject: The Navy Chief

The Power of the Almighty Chief Petty Officer As a crowded airliner is about to takeoff, the peace is suddenly shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an older man in the uniform of a US Navy Chief begins to make his way up the aisle. Stopping the frustrated mother's upraised hand, the white haired, courtly, soft-spoken Chief leans down and, motioning toward his collar, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Chief slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me Chief", she asks quietly, "could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The Chief smiled serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my anchors, service stripes, and battle ribbons, and then explained to him that they entitled me to throw one passenger out of the plane."


A wise old Master Chief once said...
A young Ensign approaches the crusty old Master Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.
"Well," replied the Master Chief, "the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable but also malleable.
The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable.
Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the military masses, hence the eagle.
As an Admiral, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"
"Yes Master Chief" replied the young Ensign. "But what about Lieutenant Commander and Commander?"
"That, sir, goes waaaay back in history - back to the Garden of Eden.
You see we've always covered our pricks with leaves."


"The Genie"
A Petty Officer Second Class, First Class and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first!" says the Petty Officer Second Class. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world." Poof! He's gone. "Me next!" says the First Class. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and a beautiful woman." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the Chief.
The Chief says, "I want those two back on the ship right after lunch."


"The Chief and the Gunny"
An old Chief and an old Gunny were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Gunny declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.
"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night.
In a fire fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"
"Ah," said the Chief with a dismissive wave of his hand, "all shore duty, huh?"


"A Mustang's Hunting Dog"
A Mustang retired after 35 years and realized a lifelong dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in Alaska. He invited an old Admiral friend to visit for a week of pheasant shooting. The friend was in awe of the Mustang's new gun dog, "Chief". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best.
The Admiral offered to buy the dog at any price. The Mustang declined, saying that Chief was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn't part with him. Six months later the same Admiral returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the Mustang breaking in a new dog.
"What happened to Chief?" he asked.
"Had to shoot him," the Mustang replied. "Another old shipmate came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him 'Master Chief.' After that, all the dog would do was sit on his butt and bark."


In a small town near Washington, DC, a barber opened his shop for business.
A young enlisted Marine comes in to get a "high and tight". The barber asked the young Marine about his service, and a lot of small talk takes place. After the haircut is complete, the Marine opens his wallet and the barber said, "It's on the house Marine. Thanks for your service to this great nation."
The next morning as the barber goes to open his shop, there is a box on his doorstep. In the box was a note of thanks and a "SEMPER FI" bright red T-shirt. That same morning a young Army G.I. comes in for a haircut. The same sort of story happens. They talk about the Army and other small talk.
After the haircut is complete, the G.I. stands and reaches for his wallet.
The barber says, "No thanks, son. It's on the house. Thank you for your service to our country." The next morning as the man is opening his barbershop, on the doorstep is a box with an Army ball cap and a thank you note. That same day, a Master Chief comes in for a haircut. He is decked out in his full dress blues. The barber is impressed and again, the same things happen...small talk about the service. When the Master Chief goes to pay, again the barber says, "Not required, Master Chief, it's on the house.
Thanks for your service to this great nation." You guessed it, the next morning, as the barber went to open his shop, there on his doorstep ...were three more Master Chiefs!


"The Five Most Dangerous Things in the US Navy"
A Seaman saying, "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
A Petty Officer saying, "Trust me, sir..."
A Lieutenant JG saying, "Based on my experience..."
A Lieutenant saying, "I was just thinking..."
A Chief chuckling, "Watch this shit..."



 

 

 

 

 

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